Boomer Scooter

block-alphabet-letter-i have seen the future of human transport and it hasn’t been invented yet. Still, I can predict that amazing innovation will come to meet the needs of boomers as they age. Of course we’re talking about wheelchairs and scooters to move old people around once their titanium knee replacements give out. Marketing is still working on a new name to avoid any images of “old.”

Boomer-scooter

From: Glam Entertainment, “Nearly 50 years on Ronnie Biggs is a victim of crime as mobility scooter is targeted. (URL: http://alturl.com/xg9ud)

Perhaps an exoskeleton will be the next evolution of old person transport.  You might remember it as the outfit Sigourney Weaver wore in “Aliens” in her job as a freight loader, a system that provided double duty fighting, well, aliens. Or perhaps a sleeker Ironman suit would be better because you have no idea an old person was inside except for the frequent bathroom breaks. It would have to be  breathable with quick wicking and in a variety of colors. Baltimore’s Under Armour will probably be an early leader in product development.

Or it could be a “scooter” that doesn’t look like it was designed in 1950s Italy. It would have minimum visible parts to cover up the fact that the rider needed it because they were old. With this in mind, it would be absolutely quiet, quieter than George Jetson’s maid Rosie with no exhaust signature except on the Harley Davidson models sure to come.

Whatever it is it will have to put the occupant at eye level to maintain equity-no one likes to be looked down on or patted on the head. Those made in France by Peugeot will have a slightly higher stance, a few millimeters in height above standard models. The German models will weigh more and have lower gas mileage but last decades. The Japanese ones will be lighter with better quality than American models.  The North Korean “Dear Leader” models will be remarkably affordable because of the market efficiency of slave labor.

The SUV line will feature young people in their ads although a young person wouldn’t get caught dead in one of these. Standard features will include wireless heart monitors to call 9-1-1 as needed, oversized nubby tires and racing stripes that fool no one. Top speeds will be 10 miles an hour making roll bars, the most popular option, unnecessary. Still, vanity rules the market.

Of course Apple will have the iMobile controlled by oversized icons projected on the windshield to help the vision impaired.  A GPS guidance system with a choice of over 1000 recorded voices will tell riders it is on, it is moving and to stop before you run over someone in the grocery store. The Justin Bieber voice will be popular for the women, Miley Cyrus for the men, both available at iTunes.

19 year olds in Bangladesh will become instant millionaires creating these and similar boomer products on their iWristwatches using 3-D printing. Leading companies like Coupe De Nile, Stil Yong, and iDroid will dominate the market as amazon.com provides same day delivery via supersonic drones. It is the future. I see it coming.

 Bob Johnson

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